The race that mattered

and closer to the finish line..can almost sense it now,have been able to see the finish line for a long time. There are some races you want to run ,ur heart wants to win it .. ur head wants to win it too but then the finish line doesn't want you to win the race. You dont come first.

The gear

have waited on neutral too long.time to put gears & change destinations

as they say

" There aint no grave that hold my body down "

what a line !

and for some reason I just loved the movie 'Ye saali Zindagi' and the last dialogue of the movie was simply superb and the best I have heard for a while..and U need an Irfan Khan when shot by a bullet to deliver the dialogue that way -

"oh shit - log sunenge toh kya kahenge, aashiqui mein chootiya mar bhi gaya aur laundiya bhi nahi mili- oh shit "

Dont know y but i loved the dialogue !

blocked

and the jinx continues, this is not me who is claiming this but a lot of people who have been observing me over the last 6 months. need to break this jinx. anyways :

Friends- People you meet often, but they are still not integral part of ur life..

Gr8 friends - People who are meant to be around whenever you need them..

in all probability these concepts are wrong,people disprove this all the time - irrespective of their claims --

-- eliminate all those who weren't a part of ur script during those 'dark days'..

blocked

and the jinx continues, this is not me who is claiming this but a lot of people who have been observing me over the last 6 months. need to break this jinx. anyways :

Friends- People you meet often, but they are still not integral part of ur life..

Gr8 friends - People who are meant to be around whenever you need them..

in all probability these concepts are wrong,people disprove this all the time - irrespective of their claims --

-- eliminate all those who weren't a part of ur script during those 'dark days'..

Friendship - Non Existent

The concept of friendship is definitely flawed.. U can have thousands around you.. but none to fall back upon. Life at 4 am can reveal a lot of things and it did to me. I realized over sometime now that at the end of the day,I absoutely have none to share my thoughs. I'm like a volcano who wants to erupt but for wot/whom/where? well there is no point anymore.. Friends claim to b a part of both ur good & bad times but the truth is they only associate with your good times,during your bad times they cant help.Bad times- can generate 3 kinda of friends :

1.Type 1 - Act that he/she felt bad that you are in problems,wud try to console you for not more than 10 mins,wud throw sad emoticon smileys at max ,I guess even if they are informed that you are dead these friends wud only feel bad for just 10 mins.

2. Type 2- I have problems too,( this kind of friend sucks! The essence was to share here.. not to compare..)

3. Type 3- Makes u feel that ur problems are not problems.. and u r whining..

Other angles to this story is

when ur friends are in good times,they may decide to forget you (subconsciously), ur a taken for 'granted commodity'..

When your friends are in bad times and decide not to tell u.consider yourself a bad friend too.

Well I use to confide to few select friends in my life, but by now I know that they are bored too.. and the rest of the world thinks

that I have no problems and I can solve all problems if any.To all of u : 'Middlefinger is wot u deserve.I'm not even going to reveal my definition

of friendship cuz I always get it wrong.

Ur definition of 'friends' whether u accept or not is simple and is as below :

"I have gr8 friends..but I have new friends who are equally gr8 .. Ofcourse I love my old friends but then I dont have enuf time for them.. I cant

seem to b coming out of my new world.."

By this time the Old world may have decayed, I type this at a time when I needed friends the most..but now I have realized that I dont want any, and I know I'm going to walk alone for a long long time..

I guess after 25 yrs,I have finally decided not to quesiton the reasons why a person wud become a drug addict.. I kinda get it now.. though I wud personally never resort to such practices but I probably get the essence by now.

I wonder as to why I even need a phone anymore,to talk to my momentary friends-campus is not that big .. I can communicate with them anytime..for the rest,it is immaterial.Wearing my dark shades and moving to a new phase in life..(Walk alone is the new mantra).

Another to the list..

Well I dont know if I would be able to ever fulfill everything on my list, but I definitely added another thing to my list yesterday-A piano. I want to it at my home by the time I'm 60. I should be able to play it whenever I want to in silence,solace. I really feel I would strike peace when I would play it then.

For the short term, I may be buying a drum kit after a couple of months into work .Infact it was my mom's idea. Dad still has his violin,Mom has her veena, Sis's keyboard still exists, time for me to possess my own drums.